It’s been a while (que 2001 alt-rock band Staind’s “It’s been a while”)

I’ve been stuck. I feel like I’m probably not the only one whose going through this or has gone through this or will go through this in the future.

Maybe this will help someone else or maybe this will just be a diary entry for myself and anyone who reads this will scoff and roll their eyes. Regardless, I’m putting this on the internet, so I guess deal with it?

2024 started and I jumped headfirst into querying my children’s book I had wrote during my degree. I was joining writing contests that I never even knew existed and even managed an honourable mention and 4th place (in the first round…but it counts). I started multiple novel ideas, started writing for a gaming site, and even helped start a literary magazine for fantasy and romance writers.

It was fun! It was exciting!

But then I started to notice the things I wasn’t enjoying. So, I left the gaming site, because frankly I like playing video games, but writing about them just bored me. I realized that the writing contests took me away entirely from any personal projects I was working on, so I stopped doing them by the end of the year. I stopped querying my children’s book because I worried I would be pigeon held into only writing kid lit.

Then, the magazine went under due to things that weren’t in anybody’s control. I started to get tired and wanted a break, so I told myself I’d take some time away, concentrate on my day-to-day and just relax in a way I hadn’t in a long time. Somehow, this free time convinced me I should try copywriting. So, I picked up doing that and just traded doing work on my free time in one capacity to doing it in another.

And again, I had no time to write any of my novel ideas.

I’m not saying I will never try copywriting again, but as for right now, it doesn’t interest me in the way I’ve found other things do, so I stopped.

This brought us to 2025. We are now in March, and I switched which novel I was working on. I’ve told myself to just try this or that and simply create. I’ve tried a planner, a weekly checklist, and simply telling myself to do the thing at this time. All I’ve felt is burnt out.

There is an overwhelming pressure to be successful that was never there before. It’s a belief that happiness is on the other side of finishing this draft and editing that project. There’s also the overwhelming number of paths that could be taken. You can self-publish, build your own brand, maybe even your own publishing house. You can go the creator route, start a YouTube channel and teach as well as write. And of course there’s the traditional path.

Every single path has a con. Every single path requires something of me that I’m not entirely sure I’m willing to give or am even capable of doing.

Every single path is terrifying.

So why wouldn’t I just give myself permission to not worry about it? Write whatever crazy idea comes to mind. Try and get a children’s book published because wouldn’t that be so frigging cool? Start a YouTube channel and see if it’s fun, no pressure. Maybe even try to get an agent too! As the wise words of Shia LaBeouf once said, “Just do it”.

I have no specific plans other than to continue to hone the craft of writing. The truth is, I just love it. There’s a chance it will never love me back enough to provide me a solid income, and perhaps when the time comes, I’ll let it go.

But as for now, I’m simply going to write just because I can.

Update

I wrote this in March when I was feeling down and out. Since then I’ve taken my own advice. I started a YouTube channel. I’m continuing to query my children’s book and I’m hoping to self-publish a novel this year! It does work to simply keep doing the thing you love and shut that silly little brain up by saying no bueno am I going to give into the self-doubt!